Last November, on the second to be exact, I got up to go to work as I did then. That day being my birthday, my grandma got up to wish me a happy birthday. That's when I noticed that she looked exhausted. So I told her to go back to bed, since it was around 6 am. As she wished me a happy birthday, she looked up at me and gave me a faint smile. Then her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she collapsed in my arms. I cannot say enough how scary that was. She is the only mother I know. I called 911 and they sent the paramedics. After a two weeks stay and an operation to release some fluid from her skull, I am glad that she is doing much better now.
She can no longer be left alone because she is no longer the person she was, physically. But, her mind and her humor are just as sharp as always. I gladly gave up working to take care of her. I honestly don't know how we make it through without much money coming in, but we do. And we are very happy (we make each other laugh so hard all the time) and I see it as a gift that I can spend my time with her as I do. And, it seems that all we have is each other.
We do have a lot of family...most live near by. When she was sick, everyone was all in with the support and love. And everyone agreed to help. The fact that they don't, doesn't matter. Some help when they can. What kills me is that only a few call her to say hello. And the ones the do, make comments that hurt her so much. She doesn't say anything because she doesn't want to say something that will anger them and then they will stop calling. One of these people has done that many times in the past. And she has made me promise that I will not say a thing.
Now, all of the family say they love her dearly. But, their actions all speak louder than their words. And, sometimes, their words cutt very deep.
Since, I promised not to say a word, I decided to write it down here. Best part about doing it here is that no one will read it. :-D
It hurts when an uncle snaps at her for being her. Or my aunt, for that matter. And it frustrates me that my hands are tied to do or say anything about it. And then it kills me when I see the pain in het eyes. Then I get mad because they do NOT notice it. How could they, they don't spend enough time with her to recognize the fact that she is doing all she can to cover the pain. But, then, she always glances at me. With that look telling me to let it go. And, with some effort, I must.
Then, there are my cousins. Now, I know that they are ALL über busy. One is so beyond busy, it is a wonder she can make time for her husband and son...she is amazing. So yes, I understand that. But, out of all of my cousins, she is the only one whom I had a heart to heart conversation about grandma and I understand her lack of communication...100%. And my heart goes out to her. But, all of the others...not even a minute call to ask, "hey, still breathing?". That would be all that she would need. Even if it were one call a month. Not even the cousins whom she helped raise call.
Now, again, one of them just had his first little girl. And that alone, takes all your time. And my grandma has waited for 29 years to see his baby. But, even after the birth, no one said we are going to pick you up and take you to see her. She actually told me that she hoped to see her before she died. I don't think I can show here or anywhere how that broke my heart.
She has a total of four great grand children. And is only, what you can call, close to two of them really. Well, like I said, the fourth was just born three weeks ago? But she loves them all so much.
But, as she falls asleep, she sometimes mentions how, if it wasn't for me, she would be alone. I always tell her that that is not so. We have a large family and they all love her.
But, as she has told me a few times, actions speak louder than words. And she falls asleep.
She is right, actions speak volumes. She has taught me to be a loving, caring, forgiving, and happy person. But, she also taught me to pull away from those that take advantage and hurt others. Also, taught me that just because I am a forgiving person does not mean that I have to stay and put up with anyone inflicting pain over and over again.
The sad part is when I see her doing what she has taught me with certain family...like saying she is not feeling well when they invite her to a BBQ (AND, they get angry with her about that).
It is sad and breaks my heart. But, like she has said many times, we may not have much and we may be alone, but we have each other and we are happy just the two of us. And, I have and will continue to make sure that she is healthy and happy for as long as it takes. If it were up to me, it would be forever.
Like I said, I know no one will read this. That gave me the gas to vent as I have. BUT, if by chance, someone does read this, thank you for doing so and PLEASE take the time right now, call your mother, your father, your grandparent (s), and tell them you love them. Treat them with much love, care and respect. Some times that is all they need, a call to let them know that someone else cares too.
LOVE them!
Thanks
