I have questions?

So, the past few days have been very interesting for me. It all started when I realized that a person I had been talking to for some time was not really interested in me for me but, for some idea of what he thought I was. Or so I thought. I was a bit hurt but, life goes on.I am used to being left in the lurch and I just move on.
Then, days later, I got a weird phone call from an unknown number. The message left was even more puzzling with a couple of questioning grunts. I assumed it was this person because he had sent a message earlier that day.
Last night, I got another call from that same number. Me being me, and assuming that it was a call from this person, I answered the call to put an end to it. To my surprise, it was someone completely unknown to me. He let me know that he was calling me because he couldn't let people play with others the way I was being played with. Then he told me that he had know that the person I was talking to (he didn't know I had stopped talking to them) was only trying to play with my emotions. and he proceeded to tel me how. Which involved a whole lot of personal information about me...what I like both in my regular life as well as what I like sexually (which included stuff that I do sexually and what I am willing to do for someone I care for). I was so shocked! All I could ask was who told him all of this and why? All the caller said was one name, Rudy. then hung up.
To say I was beyond angry is an understatement.
I think I should explain who Rudy is...And How he broke me twice.
Back in '97, I met this guy at a club in North Hollywood that, for the life of me, I can't recall the name of it then. It is now Skinny's Lounge. And I remember that night because of two things, meeting him and having a great time and, when it was time to leave, I went outside to wait for everyone while a friend, Ernesto, went back inside to search for everyone else. While I was outside, someone tried to hold me up at gun point and after I stopped laughing and talking to him, I ended up giving him a hug (but, that's another story).
Anyway, I ended up calling Rudy and we started dating. I, eventually, ended up moving in with him. we were happy I thought. But, he did cross the line of respect once with my best friend and I that I got mad about. But, all was great. Then one day, I got off work early and decided to surprise him. So I got food from his favorite restaurant and went home. Now, mind you, he was still friends with his ex and they would hand out a lot...I never had an issue with that. I actually really liked his ex. He was a sweet giant of a man and really fun.Well, when I got home, the lights were all on but no one was around. But, I heard some noises coming from the back, where the bedrooms were. Noises I knew only to well. So, I walked very quietly back there and, through the gaps of Asian screen we had at the entrance, I saw him having sex with his ex. I must have made a noise because they both jumped. I walked out and he followed me to the living room where the first thing he said was, "it is not what you think you saw". Even though I had gotten out of work early, early then was 10pm,  I just couldn't deal with the betrayal at that moment.
If he wanted to be in an open relationship, he should had told me. I would have been ok with that. my big thing is communication. But, if you are going to cheat just to cheat? No, I won't deal with that at all. And I am the type of person that when you fuck me over badly enough, I am done.
I remember getting some blankets and setting up to sleep on the couch. I don't know what look I gave him but, I cut him of from telling me that we needed to talk and told him that we would talk in the morning. he just  got quite and walked away from me. Needless to say, I didn't sleep.
When morning came, I showered and he was trying to talk to me.I told him that he needed to go and help his "friend" move. I told him to go and that we would talk when he got back. He didn't want to go but I somehow convinced him to go help with the move with the promise to talk when he got back.
As soon as his car left I called a close friend, Rene, and told him if he could help me and come and pick me up because I was leaving Rudy.
I remember him asking me if Rudy had hit me...I started laughing so hard. I finally told him that I would tell him everything when he got there and hung up. I just started packing everything into garbage bags and called some friends in WeHo. Told them what had happened and the plan fell into place. I called my grandmama and told her that I would be disappearing for a while and that Rudy would be calling her looking for me. After I gave her my contact info, I told her not to tell Rudy where I was and to not tell my grandpapa where I was either because if he talked to Rudy, it would slip.
To my shock, 20 minutes later I heard someone trying the door. Shocked, I threw all of the bags behind the couch and went to check who it was. It was my friend Rene, which was a shock in it's self. He lived about 40 minutes away...sometimes longer, depending on LA traffic. I grabbed the bags and we went to our friends' place in WeHo where I stayed for three months. Just over the Hill but I knew that Rudy and his friends being the "Valley Queens" that they are rarely, if ever go over the hill. YAY for not cutting your friends off when you're in a relationship!
After three months, I went back to my regular life 100 % better. then I got a call from Rudy asking if I would give him some pictures. I found it odd but I agreed to meet him outside my place and give him the photos. I don't know what he was expecting but, he didn't get what he wanted from me. He knows how I am. I was done. then he told me that the pictures never mattered, all he wanted to do was see me again. all I said was "Ok, you saw. Now I've got to go". and I left.
I presented myself as the always fun and outgoing person in the months that followed. But, I knew I was broken. He took my trust away. But, I kept on going.
Then, about a year and a half later or so, I happen to run into one of his friends. And what he asked stopped me in my tracks. All he asked was, "Are you OK? Are you healthy?".
Before I go on, I am 100% negative of any decease...knock on wood. I have never had any STD or STI in my live...Not even Crabs. LOL
As someone who was a activist for the community, participating in marches, Dance-a-thons, Walk-A-thons, Volunteering at the LGBT center ( as it was called then) and APLA because I had lost too many friends (and would loose many more), I knew what that question was about. All I asked was for how long? That's when that friend looked shocked. He asked if he had never told me. I said no and asked again for how long? He then told me that Rudy had been positive for at least ten years. I remember feeling sick to my stomach and my legs not working. I remember hearing my friends saying something but not hearing them. I remember walking out of Circus Disco and just walking. And I remember being pushed into a car. It is all still a bit of a haze. I just remember waking up in my friend's place in Panorama City. Calling another friend to meet me at the Center and I left without a word to get tested. I knew that the incubation period was six months and the tests back then couldn't test the way they test now. I stopped having sex for a year while getting tested every month in different places. As I mentioned before, all came out clear for me. But, my trust was completely shattered. and I fell down a very dark hole. one that I had crawled out of years before.
But, I survived, all of that and moved on.
I was still making some bad choices in men and life but I kept on going.
Then,moving ahead to the present, I met this guy while standing in line to pay for groceries. We talked for a bit, I payed and moved on. I saw him a few times at the grocery store and we would small chat before he asked for my number. I am clueless when someone if flirting with me face to face. So we started talking more. this went on for a very long time. And yes, we kind of hooked up a few times. But nothing was ever exclusive. Then he started pushing for us to have sex. But, something in my gut wouldn't let me...which, though it doesn't happen often, it does happen. And I have learned to listen to my gut now. The last time I talked to him, it came across to me that he wasn't really interested in me but, an idea of me. That hurt my "fillers" but I moved on. Then, I get the phone call I answered last night.
And we are where we are now. I have no idea where Rudy is...but have help in looking for him now. I can't get a hold of "J" and his number is disconnected.
The questions that are running through my mind are Why? And Why now? It has been decades since I saw Rudy last. And, he is 24 years my senior. What is really going on is what I want to find out.
It's all a mess really. I just don't know.
Well, that's off my chest!
I can at least move on some now that it's out. But I will continue to search. I need answers.